Before we get into it, who am I to be giving you advice? Fair question. I’m Zoe – mum to a three-year-old tornado of a boy, former Projects Director, and, in the last few years, Connection Expert for mums who need practical, immediate solutions to stop their relationships from drifting apart. Basically, I took everything I learned in 14 years of project management for companies like Amazon and applied it to something far more important than advertising: helping mums reconnect with their partners, friends, and, most importantly, themselves.
So, now that’s out of the way, let’s dig into the problem a bit more. Because I know it’s not for lack of trying that you’re not excited about any of the so-called friends you’ve made in the last year. Or that you’ve given up because, well, let’s be blunt—the mums at that toddler class were just not your people.
You know play dates would be so much more fun with a parent you actually enjoy spending time with. Maybe you just crave a night out now and again—with an actual, fully functioning adult who isn’t your husband, so you can talk about literally anything other than the children.
Oh, and by the way, you’re not alone in feeling this way. I’ve received hundreds of messages over the last two years from mums in your exact position. It’s to be expected. Your original friends have dispersed across the country (or beyond), everyone’s busy with work, kids, or looking after elderly parents. Your thriving, fun, full social life seemed to disappear overnight. And yeah, you know you’re partly to blame—you said no to plans one too many times because you were exhausted, your kid was sick again, and the last time you got a full night’s sleep, skinny jeans were still in fashion. But jeez, here we are a year or two later and you never seem to be invited to anything.
What you really want is local pals. Someone you can text on a whim when the sun comes out and you realise you should be walking along with a coffee instead of hanging washing, again. Someone with good chat, because god, you’re so bored of hearing about sleep schedules, food preferences, and developmental milestones. I’m sure all the kids are fine—does anyone ever talk about anything else these days?
If you’re vigorously nodding along, here’s how we’re going to fix this. Because I want you to start connecting and enjoying friendships again this summer—and, honestly, I’m weirdly obsessed with getting you there. I know how much more you’re going to enjoy motherhood (and life) as a result. So, here’s the plan…
1. Be extra observant: Who might be your vibe? Start paying attention to the clues…
How they talk to their kids – Give me a mum who can add a little playful wit to toddler talk—that’s a special kind of connection, and I know we’d get on. For you, it might be something else. How they present themselves – I know this sounds shallow, and trust me, I usually look like I’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards. But I love spotting those little hints of who they are outside of being a mum. A pop of leopard print? I know she’s a vibe.
2. See if they want to meet up
Play dates are the easiest route, but if you’re feeling bold, skip straight to step 4. If not, set up a casual meet-up on an inset day, bank holiday, or another time when childcare options are limited. Use the kids as an excuse, then, when you get a moment together…
3. Show a bit of vulnerability
Not the “I’m about to leave my partner” kind of vulnerability (too soon, let’s not scare them off), but something real—an admission of guilt, a struggle with mum-life, a little resentment about how things have changed. Something that signals: I’m more than just a mum, and I’m open to building a proper friendship. Consider it an invitation.
4. Plan some adult-only time
If the play date goes well (for you and them), it’s time to level up. The easiest way? Tie it into something you already do using the “with or without you” approach to keep it casual: “On Tuesdays, I usually grab a quick coffee after drop-off. Want to join?” or “I always walk around the park before pick-up. Fancy coming along?”
This is where you get to find out who you both are apart from being mums. Talk about hobbies, passions, your job (or what it was before kids took over). If you feel like you’ve lost touch with all that? No worries—talk about what life used to be like pre-kids. Invite her to do the same. You never know, reconnecting with your old interests might be easier with a new friend to share them with.
Remember, friendships don’t happen by accident
If you’re waiting for someone else to make the first move, you might be waiting forever. Be the one to suggest meeting up. If it feels awkward, remind yourself that most mums feel the same way—they want deeper connections too but might not know how to initiate them. Trust me, my DM’s are proof.
And of course, you don’t just have to make friends with other mums. But at this stage of life, it’s easiest if new friends are local. Let’s be honest, you already have plenty of mates who live elsewhere. It’s friends you can actually see and meet up with easily that you’re missing. If you’re looking beyond the mum crowd, find friends in places that align with your passions—a running club, a co-working space, a local litter pick. The same principles apply: show a bit of vulnerability up front, and you’ll fast-track to the good stuff within a friendship.
The key to creating deep, lasting friendships from scratch? Vulnerability and showing your true self. Because, yes, there is so much more to you than just being a mum. Even if you forgot it for a moment there, building new friendships can be an excellent way of remembering!
If you’d like to learn more about me or my work, or just want to share how you got on with the advice above, follow along on Instagram @movethru_ or check out movethru.co.uk.
